Three steps forward, two steps back

Dad continues to march forward, in spite of these little setbacks. Today his stomach is less distended and some things (I'll spare you the details) are beginning to pass through. Doctor and nurses are pleased with how he's doing.

But it's been a frustrating day. Because Dad is feeling tired and weak (plus the nausea medication making him woozy) it's been much harder for him to articulate today, so he's feeling pretty frustrated with our inability to communicate, as am I. We've managed to understand several things he's worried about (things at home that need to be taken care of...even in his condition Dad's concerned about everything and everyone else), but there is something elusive he's been trying to tell me all day. I recently tried one last time. "Dad, is there still something you need me to do?" Nod. "Do you want to try again to tell me?" Shake. "Too frustrating?" Nod.

Argh.

When Dad was first in the hospital and we were so worried about whether or not he'd make it, I remember putting a hand in my pocket as I stood by the window looking out at his room. I could feel change sift through my fingers, so I idly pulled out some coins. I have a habit of checking all my quarters to see if they're new state quarters. I flipped around the first couple, but they were ones I'd seen before. The third quarter, however, was a new one to me. Wisconsin. On the quarter was their state motto. It simply said, Forward. I knew that was a message for Dad.

Now, I know this is a little superstitious of me, but when I first met my husband (we met online and he was living in his home state of New Hampshire) I remember wondering aloud to myself if this was a relationship I should pursue. As I said that, I flipped my calendar to a new month and the picture was a beautiful photograph of autumn in New Hampshire. I laughed and said, again aloud, well that was random, I need more confirmation than that. I jokingly pulled a quarter out of my pocket and figured two New Hampshire things would be a "sign." I flipped around the quarter and there was the Old Man of the Mountain. I laughed so hard I cried.

I dunno. Maybe God speaks to me in quarters. :) At any rate, when I saw that Wisconsin quarter, I was reminded also of something my father quoted us when Joe and I first got engaged. When Lewis and Clark were on their famous expedition, each night they would log the days events in their journal. Even when things were tough, they still wrote, "We proceed on." Dad gave us that advice for our marriage, but I think of it often whenever times are tough. No matter what, we proceed on. We move forward.

Even with a few steps back, Dad is taking more steps forward.